The Reptilian Mirage Suit: Learning the Purpose of Human Ears

Another interactive lecture delivered by Meuianga (honorable) Mera Te Aì 'Enge'ite, chief scientific officer of the Reptilian Starfleet

Welcome, space cadets! It is a pleasure to have you again for a new lesson on exobiology, and specifically about the habits and usages of these fascinating creatures we call "naked apes" or "humans"

-- It is truly a pleasure, Meuianga.
-- Yes, we are learning a lot. It is a pleasure to learn from you. 

Ah, cadets, today we'll see something really interesting. I've beamed for you to our spaceship another of those interesting human specimens. This time, we have a female to examine. As last time, please be gentle with her. She is lightly sedated, but please make sure that you don't scare her, and always remember the basic Starfleet rule that we must respect all lifeforms we encounter. And here she is. 

-- A very interesting specimen, Meuianga.
-- She looks a little dazed. Is she intelligent?

Yes, cadets, she is very intelligent - you see her a little dazed because she is sedated. But she is at a higher level of intelligence compared with the average naked ape. She is one of their technology specialists; some of them are rather clever. This is one. Later on, we'll test her intelligence, to see how she compares with ours. You'll see that she does reasonably well, of course within the limits of her species.

But today I have another element that I wish to examine for your training. As you saw in our previous lessons, we are focusing on some anatomical elements of these creatures' bodies. Their adaptation to their environment is sometimes remarkable. And so, I invite you to examine the fleshy protrusions she has on both sides of her head. Please be gentle with the specimen, but do examine this curious entity, and tell me what's your impression.

 
-- Ah, Meuianga... it is rather weird
-- Yes, you see, Meuianga, it is... how could I say....
-- Meuianga, I am sorry, this may go against the Starfleet rules, but isn't this thing a little disgusting?

Ah, good, good, cadet Epu Te 'Eyingua Ruìze'itan. You understand that we have to take into account that our reaction to some features of the alien species we encounter may be negative. But we have to overcome this emotional reaction. If you have to learn how to deal with these creatures, you will also have to learn that in an ecosystem, everything that exists has a reason to exist. And it is the same for this fleshy protrusion. It is, indeed, a fascinating story -- just like many things are fascinating with these creatures.

-- But Meuianga, it is so strange. It is really part of the creature?
-- Maybe it is a polyp?
-- Or a parasite that has attached itself to the head of this ape?

No, no... cadets. It is a regular feature of the naked apes. All of them have these "ears" they are fleshy protrusions that grow around the auditory channel, but they are bona fide elements of the genetic setup of these creatures. But on one point, cadets, you are right. One of the features of this thing has no adaptive evolutionary value. Can you locate it?

-- Hmm.... Meuianga, maybe the whole structure is purely decorative?
-- Is it a sex signal?
-- Does this creature use these strange entities to signal its willingness to mate?

Oh... I see that you are getting into this matter. Indeed, these creatures have many ways to signal their willingness to mate. And even this fleshy polyp, if you like to call it this way, has a certain value in this sense. But there is a specific feature of the excrescence that has this characteristic. Can you see it?

-- ..... Hmmmm
-- Well.... maybe..
-- Ah... difficult.

I understand you, cadets. It takes a certain practice to understand some features of this species. Not for nothing I have been working on them for several hundred revolutions of their planet around the star. Now, let me show you on screen this picture that our female specimen nicely provided for us

-- Oh... that's interesting, Meuianga.
-- Yes! What is that round thing?
-- Remarkable. A small sphere attached to that protrusion. It is eerily beautiful...

Yes, cadet Ìtxeyeai Te Zuäk Nayitä'ite. You noted its characteristic. The little sphere is called an "earring," and female apes often wear one on the lower protrusion, called the "earlobe." Males also wear earrings, but more rarely.

Now, you should note two things. The first is that the earlobe of this creature is pierced. It has a hole that goes through it. It is not part of their genetic setup. It is made with a drill. I guess it has to be painful, but it seems to be very common with these creatures. But the most important point is to note that the earlobe has no adaptation value whatsoever. It is just there, and I venture to say that it has developed as a support for these decorative signals. By the way, the round thing is called a "pearl." It is a secretion of some bivalve molluscs living on planet Earth.

-- Truly fascinating, Meuianga. So it is a sexual signal?

Yes, cadet Zayo Te Yuutxha Spälsloaynla'ite, one of the many sexual signals that these creatures use. There are many others -- some are rather explicit in indicating a willingness to mate. This one has a moderate strength, but that's the idea, indeed.

-- You know, Meuianga, I feel bad about not having these earlobes.

Ah, cadet, you are funny. But wait for a while. We are moving to something that you'll find interesting. But before getting to that, let me go back to the examination of this protrusion. You noticed that it is quite elaborate in those fleshy circumvolutions inside. Do you think they have a purpose?

-- Another difficult question, Meuianga.
-- They might have a purpose? Or maybe they are another sexual signal?
-- I don't think so. You didn't tell us that they wear decorations also in those circumvolutions, did you?

Exactly, cadet Ngoawa Te Zìuìtkip Lrrher'ite. These circumvolutions do have a specific adaptive value. But in order to understand that, I must ask you another question. If these protrusions have adaptive value, why do we reptilians not have them?

-- Ah... That's truly fascinating.
-- You mean that the naked apes have features we didn't develop?
-- Maybe they are better adapted than us?

Oh, no, cadets. No species is more adapted than another species. These creatures are perfectly adapted to their ecosystem. It is just that they are different creatures. And the point is that they collect sound waves inside a specific organ that's called the cochlea. So, they use their "ears" as a way to amplify sound waves and send them into the cochlea. It is quite sophisticated but not as good as our sound dome; is the ball of fat you have inside your elongated cranium that amplifies sound waves. We are better than them at detecting vibrations, also because we evolved in a denser atmosphere. 

Incidentally, some Earth mammals have the same device. They are marine mammals called Dolphins and Whales in the ape language. Their dome can be quite large. Let me show you one of these creatures. Do you see the dome? It is full of fatty oils. It is a remarkably efficient resonating device Anyway, the point is that we don't need ears, the apes do. But that doesn't tell us why the circumvolutions inside the ears.

-- Meuianga, you know that we are fascinated.
-- But we need your help
-- You know much more than us.

Ah, cadets, you have many things to learn, but you are learning a lot. And for this, I shall demonstrate for you a use of your mirage suit. You have it, it is part of your training materials. You'll use it especially when you'll move to the surface of planet Earth, but today we can have a taste of how it works. Would you please activate it?

-- Yes, Meuianga. We'll try...

-- It looks like it is already set on "naked ape"

-- Yes, there is a button

-- There we go....

So, cadets, don't you look nice in your mirage suit? You really look like naked apes dressed up with our nice Starfleet uniforms. 

-- Well... maybe...
-- Strange...
-- We feel very strange, Meuianga.
-- Not sure we want to look like thise naked apes....

It is all right. The mirage suit can have strange effects; you'll have to learn how to use it well. It is not just a mirage; it changes you. It turns you into the mirage you want to become. But, today, we are examining just a specific feature of the naked ape, a feature that your mirage suit has reproduced. Now you have human ears! Touch them!

-- Ah... remarkable, Meuianga.
-- We have these weird protuberances. But we hear through them.

Yes, you do. Now, a little experiment. You know that you are detecting sound waves by means of a mechanism called the cochlea, which is inside your human head. Now use your hands to cover your inner circumvolutions, but NOT the opening to the cochlea. That shouldn't affect what you hear, don't you think so?

-- Well, Meuianga, that looks logical.
-- But you are teaching something interesting.
-- We are sure of that.

Of course, I want to teach you interesting things. There are so many things to learn for you. And for me, too!!! Now, let's do this experiment, I'll sing for you the Starfleet song, and you'll go covering and uncovering the circumvolutions. Then you'll tell me what you heard. Let me go, you'll follow me with the chorus....

In the vast expanse of cosmic might,
We sail through stars, our reptilian flight.
From far-flung corners to unknown domains,
We are the crew of proud reptilian reigns.

(Chorus)
Starfleet, our ships blaze through the night,
Conquerors of galaxies, a formidable sight.
With scales that shimmer, and eyes that gleam,
We soar as one, fulfilling our dream.

Our empire vast, from world to world we roam,
A legacy built, on territories we've known.
In noble pursuit of knowledge and might,
We traverse the cosmos, guided by light.

(Chorus)
Starfleet, our ships blaze through the night,
Conquerors of galaxies, a formidable sight.
With scales that shimmer, and eyes that gleam,
We soar as one, fulfilling our dream.

So let the cosmos bear witness to our might,
The proud reptilian crew, shining bright.
In the depths of space, our legacy unfurled,
We conquer the galaxies, the masters of the world.

Truly good, cadets. You know, it is strange to hear the Starfleet hymn sung by creatures that look so much like naked apes wearing Starfleet uniforms! Who knows, one day, we might enlist some of them as crews of our ships. But never mind that. That was an experiment. How did it go?

-- Ah... Meuianga, yes... truly strange
-- It was different with and without the covering of the circumvolutions.
-- Yes, indeed. It had more depth when the circumvolutions were not covered.
-- How was that?

Well... cadets, first of all, it is a miracle of the mirage suit that reproduces so well not just the outer shape of the naked apes but the way their sensorial system works. And now you understand the meaning of the circumvolutions. They are a sound-wave interference system that provides information on the direction from where the sound comes from. Not as efficient as our sound domes, but it works nicely for the naked apes.

-- Fascinating, Meuianga, truly fascinating.
-- It was an unbelievable experience.
-- Yes, with the circumvolutions uncovered we heard you as if you were singing from the depth of the galaxy
-- An eerie sound. Beautiful!

Glad that you liked it, cadets. Now you learned something about the naked apes and also how to hone your observational skills on all the details. This is the way to learn; this is the way of the Starfleet officer that you are going to become.

-- Meuianga, thank you so much... but there is one thing. 
-- I feel strange, don't you, fellow cadets?
-- Yes, these mirage suits are truly sophisticated devices.
-- You see, Meuianga, I think we all feel the same.... looking at the human girl, there is this strange sensation....
-- Very, very strange...

Cadets, cadets, control yourselves. The human girl is surely a nice-looking specimen, and I understand that the mirage suit can have some weird effects if worn for some time. You'll have to learn how to use it properly, and maybe one day you'll want to experiment with these strange -- let's say -- "sensations." But it is not for this reason that we beamed up this creature. And I see that she is a little shocked having seen you turning from nice looking reptilians into this ape form. Now, act again on the controls of your suit, and return to your normal shape. Then, we'll beam the girl back. I guess she's learned something, too. And see you next time for another lesson!

(The images of the aliens are made using Dall-E. Thanks to Ilaria for having posed as the human female)

Lectures by Meuianga Mera

Why Naked Apes have Small Mouths. Explained by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientist of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Red Mouthed Apes: A Lecture by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientific Officer of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Naked Ape -- A Tale Told in Space

The Reptilian Mirage Suit: Learning the Purpose of Human Ears

The Evolutionary Game: How did Elephants survive the onslaught

The Evolutionary Game: How did Elephants survive the onslaught?

 

Another interactive lecture delivered by Meuianga (honorable) Mera Te Aì 'Enge'ite, chief scientific officer of the Reptilian Starfleet

Cadets, as you know, the evolutionary game, as you know, has many facets. So, there are many ways used by Earth’s creatures to cool down while making an effort. Let me make an example for you -- it will test your analysis skills. Let me show you this image of these two large animals on the screen.

You see two similar creatures of about the same size. As you already know from your training material about Earth, the one on the left is called “Elephant.” The ape scientists classify it as “Loxodonta Africana.” The other, on the right, is a wooly mammoth, also called mammuthus primigenius. You know that it is an extinct species today. You know that these animals existed (and the elephant still exists) together with the current dominant ape species, the naked ape called Homo Sapiens. There is clear evidence that the naked apes hunted both species using simple weapons, and it may well be that they hunted the mammoth to extinction. Instead, the Elephant survived, although nowadays he risks extinctions, too, because the apes have much better weapons. But let’s not get into that -- it is clear that the naked apes hunted mammoths with the same simple weapons they were using for hunting elephants not very long ago. The question for you, cadets, is how is it that elephants survived while the mammoths died out?

-- Ah… Meuianga. This is surely an interesting question.

-- Really. How that could be?

-- These two animals look very similar, indeed.

-- Of course, apart from one being furry, and the other not…. But it means only that one of the two lived in a colder climate, is that right?

Yes, cadets, the mammoth lived in a cold climate, in the Northern regions of the planet. That’s why it has that thick coat of fur. The Elephant, instead, lived, and still lives, in equatorial regions. It doesn’t need fur. But how would that affect their ability to escape being hunted by the Naked Apes?

-- Maybe it is what you told us before about the naked apes, Meuianga. The Elephant is naked.
-- Maybe it sweats? Just like the naked apes do?
-- That allows the elephant to cool down under effort? Is this the reason?

Not so simple, cadets. I can tell you that the elephant does not have a high density of sweat glands on its body. Nothing like the naked apes, which sweat all the time. Actually it has almost no sweat glands on most of its skin, except at the bottom of its feet. But those glands can hardly cool the body of the creature. They must be used mainly to mark the territory. As the elephant walks, it leaves a scent trail on its tracks. This is something interesting, too. Don’t you think so?

-- Indeed, Meuianga. Why should a creature leave a scent trail that’s easy for predators to follow?

-- Strange things happen on this strange planet. Naked apes and large beasts leaving a trail to make it easier for predators to hunt them.

Oh, cadets, you can’t imagine how many more strange things you still have to learn about this planet. And, yet, no matter how strange these things may be, never forget that for everything that exists in an ecosystem, on any planet of the galaxy, there has been a natural selection process that has led it to exist. And that’s true also for elephant feet leaving a trail of smell.

-- Well, Meuianga, I can imagine that it would make no difference for such a large beast to leave a trail of smell. It is so big that it couldn’t hide its trail anyway.

-- Yes, it seems reasonable. Yet, why make things easier for predators?

Cadets, think about this: what if the beast doesn’t have natural predators?

-- Oh… in that case it wouldn’t matter, of course, Meuianga.

-- You mean it is because it is so big?

-- Then, yes, we can see that most predators would have a hard time killing an elephant.

-- But didn’t you tell us that the naked apes hunt elephants? Then it has at least one predator.

Correct, cadet Lipotzoot'itan. Let me rephrase my sentence. What if the beast has just one natural predator? And you surely read in your training material that the naked apes have a very poor sense of smell….

-- Meuianga, you keep surprising us.

-- Indeed, amazing things you are telling us.

-- These elephants would not be worse off by leaving a smell trail for a predator that can’t follow it. Hence, natural selection did not select it out.

-- And so they probably use the scent to mark their territory.

Exactly, cadets. Exactly. But let’s go back to our initial question: why did Mammoths go extinct but not elephants? We don’t know if Mammoths had the same kind of sweat glands in the feet, but that couldn’t have had much to do with the fact that the naked apes exterminated them. So, there is something else to be considered here. Do you remember that I was telling you that elephants don’t have sweat glands on their bodies? If you think about that, it makes plenty of sense. With such a large body, the ratio of surface to volume is small, so sweat glands, if they had them, would only cool down the outer skin, but do very little to cool the whole beast.

-- Yes, Meuianga, we can see your point.

-- Sweating a lot would not be useful for such a large beast.

-- But then, how is that they managed to survive the hunting by the naked apes?

And you have the answer right in front of you. Look at the image. Look at it carefully. Don’t you see the difference? It is glaringly obvious.

-- Meuianga, maybe we are not good cadets

-- Maybe we are a little dumb.

-- They should kick us out of the Starfleet academy.

But, no, cadets, no! You are not dumb. You see, I have given this lecture to many classes of Starfleet cadets, and I can see how difficult it is for you to see something that it is so obvious once you notice it. You just need to learn. And for that you have to learn how to learn. It is for this reason that you are here. So, let me give you just a hint. A single word. Ears.

-- Ah….. the ears

-- Yes, the ears…. How couldn’t we notice the ears.

-- The elephant has such big ears! The mammoth has much smaller ones.

-- But what does it mean? How is it helping elephants to survive?

Excellent question, cadet Nätsyeaypxit'ite. The first step to answer a question is to frame it in the right way. How do those large ears help elephants to survive? And the answer is in a single word: vascularization.

-- Oh…. now we see it!

-- So obvious!

-- How could we have missed it!

Yes, you have it now, cadets. The large ears of the elephant are highly vascularized. A lot of blood goes through them, and so it cools down as the elephant moves. Actually, they flap their ears a lot to cool them down. Then, the blood goes into the elephant's body, and it cools it from the inside. Wonderfully efficient for a large animal! Actually, their whole skin is also vascularized, and it cools the body in the same way. If you observe their normal behavior, you see that they use their flexible nose, their trunk, to spray water over their bodies. Another way to cool down. But the large ears are the elephant’s radiators. They are their secret weapons against the naked apes and their wonderful sweating glands.

I see that you are awed, cadets, and correctly so. An ecosystem is such a complex thing that it is always amazing. Sometimes bewildering. Then, you can now notice another facet of the story. You see, the naked apes called “humans” evolved in a hot climate in the continent called Africa. The same place where elephants lived. So, naked apes and elephants co-evolved. It was one of those cases called “arms races.” The two species evolved together, both improving their metabolic efficiency. And not just that, also their social skills, but we’ll see that later. In any case, the naked apes couldn’t hunt down elephants by wearing them down, and so the elephant survived. Then, when the apes moved northward, they encountered another similar species, the mammoths. Unfortunately for the mammoths, they had never encountered those hunting apes, and they didn’t have the time to evolve an efficient cooling system. And so they were exterminated in a relatively short time, perhaps just a few tens of thousands of years. See? Everything clicks together! Evolution is a fascinating game, although also a cruel one. Those who lose the game, must die. It is the same everywhere in the universe.

-- Indeed, Meuianga

-- We are truly amazed…. Actually awed

-- Even bewildered. That may be a better way of saying it.

-- But, Meuianga, how about us, the reptilians? How do we compare with these creatures from Earth?

Oh…. that’s another facet of the story, cadet Runga'itan. We are reptilians of the kind called “saurian.” Our metabolic cooling system is all inside our body. It is where we continuously pump air, and -- yes -- we do sweat, in the sense that we evaporate water. But inside, not outside! It is much more efficient than the method that the naked apes use. But, on the whole, these creatures are resourceful and clever, and if we ever were to come to fight each other, well, it would be an interesting story.

-- Meuianga, you really think that Earth’s apes could defeat the mighty Reptilian Stellar Empire?

-- That could never be!

-- We can’t even imagine such a thing.

You never know, cadets, you never know…..

Lectures by Meuianga Mera

Why Naked Apes have Small Mouths. Explained by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientist of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Red Mouthed Apes: A Lecture by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientific Officer of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Naked Ape -- A Tale Told in Space

The Reptilian Mirage Suit: Learning the Purpose of Human Ears

The Evolutionary Game: How did Elephants survive the onslaught

The Naked Ape -- A Tale Told in Space

This is an attempt to find new ways of expression in science using a typical science-fiction trope, that of aliens examining humankind from their viewpoint. Isaac Asimov used it for his delightful 1969 story "What is This Thing Called Love" and is at the basis of Desmond Morris' famous book "The Naked Ape." I revisited it as a game for my students, having them play the role of the aliens examining a volunteer who took the role of the human specimen. I am proposing it as a written text that tries to maintain the lively atmosphere of those games. It is a test, there is much more to be said about the strange features of the naked ape called "homo sapiens" by the apes themselves. If you can tell me what's your impression of this attempt, I can plan to do something with it, maybe turning it into a whole book.

Welcome to your first day of training, space cadets. I am captain Fyeänääkxaw Te Taetxkutx Pxaymeflae'itan. You will be engaged in a series of training sessions that we’ll perform while orbiting the planet called “Earth.” it is active learning and you will absorb a lot of knowledge as we go on. Your training will be dedicated to refining your observation capabilities. It is a skill you will surely use when you explore other planets of the galaxy.

Before starting, let me tell you a few basic things. First, we are following a rule that says we do not harm the creatures we study. And not just that, we do not make them suffer or feel uncomfortable. We respect the creatures we encounter; it is the fundamental rule of the reptilian Starfleet, of which you will be proud officers. So, we may lift living specimens from the planet we are orbiting around, but we’ll ensure they are not mistreated.

We are now orbiting around the third planet of this star system. You have already seen it when we emerged out of hyperspace a few time units ago. You are seeing it now, from the screens of our ships. It is partly blue, white, and green. These colors are typical of planets full of biological life: the creatures inhabiting it are based on some of the same metabolic and molecular processes that we reptilians use. 

Reptilian-like creatures do exist on this planet, but they are not especially advanced in their evolutionary development, nothing like us, so we won’t examine them in detail. Instead, we will mostly examine the dominant land species of this planet, the one we call the “naked ape.” Not a reptile, but it shows some remarkably interesting characteristics. And it will be the main target of your training.  

We’ll have with us our chief scientist, Mera Te Aì 'Enge'ite. Just one moment as I set up the beaming machine. And do remember to address her by her honorific title, “meuianga,” or “honorable.” Here she comes. Greetings, Meuianga Mera. It is great to have you here. 

Greetings, Captain Pxaymeflae’itan. And greeting to you all, cadets. I am coming from our base on Earth. It is inside the ice cap of the Southern area of the planet, a continent that the Naked Apes call “Antarctica.” It is a base we established a few hundred revolutions ago; it is not very practical because we had to dig it way down into the ice layer. But we are reasonably safe that the naked apes will not discover it. If you visit Earth, you’ll come first to the Antarctica base. But, for the time being, you do your training in space.

I have to explain what we mean by “naked ape.” First, note that to indicate the creatures of this planet, we are using mostly terms that we borrowed from the naked apes themselves. They are smart, and their scientists are almost as good as ours. So, we can make profitable use of the database they accumulated in their observations. They use the term “ape” for a variety of rather large, mostly arboreal creatures. Most of them are not naked; they have fur. The specific creatures we are examining, instead, have almost no fur. Actually, most hot-blooded animals on this planet have fur, making the naked apes even more exceptional. Note also that these creatures don’t refer to themselves as “naked apes.” They rather use the term “humans,” But we’ll often use the term “naked ape,” which we think is a good description of what these creatures are.

So, let’s start with your first exercise. We’ll go directly into the examination of one of the naked apes. Here is a specimen, a young male that we lifted from the planet's surface. Let’s have him stand on the platform; you can see him well. He is lightly sedated because he might fear your presence, and we don’t want to upset him. Note that we’ll strictly adhere to our Starfleet ethical regulations throughout these learning sessions.

Get close; the creature is relaxed, and he won’t hurt you, although, from his viewpoint, he may find you unattractive or even repulsive. Of course, it is the same for you about him but, as space cadets, you must learn to approach and deal with all sorts of creatures.

Note the flexible layer that covers most of his body's central part. It is not fur; it is not skin: it is an exoderma that these creatures manufacture to cover their bodies. Only these creatures have this use on the whole planet. In this specific case, the exoderma is very thin and light. In other cases, it may be heavier and thicker and cover the creature nearly completely. In most cases, it is made of vegetable fiber – these creatures are clever at processing vegetal materials. They also use fibers obtained from fossil hydrocarbons - very clever, indeed. Sometimes, they also use the skin of other animals, which they can treat in such a way as to make it flexible. See the exoderma over the creature’s feet? Yes, it is made of the treated skin of another mammal. I told you that they are rather special, and this is one of their unique characteristics.

We said this is a naked ape, it means it has no hair over his body. But you can see he is not completely naked. He has hair on the top of his head. By removing the exoderma, you might also see that he has hair around his genitalia. For some reason, though, they are very sensitive about showing that area, so we won’t embarrass him by forcing him to show it -- we continue to apply the Starfleet standard to avoid creating discomfort for the creatures we study. And, of course, he has sparse hair all over his body, but so sparse that you can rightly define him as a “naked ape.” Some subspecies, those with a dark skin color, actually have no hair over their bodies.

Now, let’s examine this specimen even more closely. Approach him gently; as I said, the creature is lightly sedated, but it might still perceive you and be afraid of you. Note the light color of his skin; it is nearly white, although it shows a shade of pink. The pink color is the result of the presence of a red molecule they use to transport oxygen around the body. They call it “hemoglobin,” they are clever chemists, these apes. This pink skin is only one of the several shades of color that their skin can show. Some of them have much darker skin, sometimes dark brown and, in some cases, nearly black. It is because of another molecule that they secrete in the skin layer. It is called melanin. They use it to avoid damage from the ultraviolet radiation from their sun. These white ones live in Northern or southern latitudes, where the star's radiation is not so strong, so they don’t have melanin. The apes living closer to equatorial latitudes are typically dark-skinned -- plenty of melanin they have. We chose a white specimen because the lack of pigment makes it easier to examine the skin. Still, the genetic differences among the differently colored naked apes are small.

Now, cadets, you can touch the skin of the specimen. Do it gently, do not upset him, but do it and tell me your impression.

-- It is very soft, Meuianga.

-- Yes, soft and mobile. It is remarkable that they have this soft skin. It doesn’t protect them from anything.

That’s very good, Stäpxrä Te Äpxtìkwie Upvi'itan. Can someone tell me more?

-- Captain, really, I wonder why it is so soft.

 
Räuväwao Te Nguaär Lawarlewr'itan, can you guess why?

-- There is a sort of cushioning layer underneath, Meuianga.

-- Yes, it is thicker in some areas.

-- It sticks to the skin. It makes it soft.

Yes, it is soft. The skin sticks to the layer underneath. And I can tell you that, right below the skin, there is a layer of fat. You know that fat molecules are long hydrocarbon chains that form soft solids. The fatty layer under the skin of this specimen makes their skin soft but relatively solid. We might experiment with other mammal species from Earth, and you would easily note that their skin is much more pliant and less adherent to the muscles below. It is because they don’t have this thick layer of fat. Now, can you guess what this fat is for?

-- Captain, might it be for thermal insulation?

Very good, Nìsrr Te Yuoit Tatxapkìpx'ite! If I were to use a term that the apes like, I would say, “Bingo!” It is an exclamation indicating a pleasant surprise. Although I must say that we never understood what this “Bingo” is about, a sort of religious ritual, we believe. Anyway, yes, this fatty layer is a thermal insulation system, but not just that. Indeed, you noticed that it is much thicker in some areas, where it forms protuberances. That’s especially true for their females: they have prominent frontal protuberances that males don’t have. These protuberances are full of fatty acids, they are used as energy storage areas. Their metabolism can use fatty acids as an energy source. In this, they are not special. Most warm-blooded creatures on the planet store energy in fatty areas; even some cold-blooded ones do.

Now, let’s go on with our examination. I would ask now to use your sense of smell. Cadets, would you get close enough to smell the skin of this specimen? Yes, do it.

-- Yes, the creature has a peculiar smell.-- But the skin is wet in some places.

-- Especially near the armpits. It is wet, and it smells of organic molecules.

Very good, cadets. Especially you, Yiìzen Te Yaay Siurä'ite, you identified one of the smelling areas of the creature. It is the armpits. They can produce quite a lot of liquid there. It is called “sweat;” a typical secretion of these creatures. But they produce it all over their bodies, using specific “sweat glands.” It is mostly water, together with some organic molecules. For what you need to know, all the mammals of planet Earth produce sweat. You may be curious to know that the other major group of hot-blooded creatures of the planet, those called “birds,” do not sweat at all. They just do not have sweat glands. It is another interesting feature of the biosphere of this planet.

Now, there is something that you could perceive only using specific instruments, but I’ll just tell you about it. These creatures have a huge number of sweat glands on their bodies. A specimen like this one may have 2-3 million glands. And they can secrete as much as three liters of water in an hour, which is remarkable. No other creature on Earth can sweat so much. The sweat also contains “pheromones,” volatile molecules that the creatures use for sexual signaling.

-- Really? But don’t they dry out their metabolic system?-- Yes, how can they replace all that water?

-- Don’t they harm themselves in this way?

Cadets, these are all legitimate questions. Now, to answer them, we’ll go to a more detailed description of the metabolism of these creatures. I see that you already gained some familiarity with a specimen of the naked apes -- they call themselves “humans.” I can tell you that they are fascinating, indeed. I have been working on studying them for more than two hundred orbital revolutions of their planet -- they call those revolutions “years.” And it has been a learning experience that taught me many things.

The question is, why are they naked? You’ll see that there is a reason why these creatures evolved to become naked as they are. But first, we need to start by placing them in the context of their ecosystem. As you already know, Earth is a relatively cold planet. And you also know that the metabolic processes of carbon-based life work best at temperatures of about 35-40 °C. Now, Earth’s average temperature is only 15°C. It is also a planet of rapid temperature changes, resulting from its rotation axis being tilted compared to the orbital one. This means the earthlings’ main problem is keeping warm enough to keep their metabolism functioning. And that’s the purpose of hair. It is a little like our scales, but it is an ensemble of filaments that trap air between them, and air is a good thermal insulator. Some creatures on Earth use a more sophisticated covering layer, elaborate structures called “feathers,” but the idea is the same: trap air in between and slow down the loss of heat.

Back to the naked apes, the first element to consider is that mammals about the same size are not naked. Practically all of them are covered with fur. Only elephants, hippos, rhinos, and a few other land mammals do not have hair over most of their bodies. That makes sense: a large animal has a low surface to volume ratio, so it doesn’t cool down so easily. The problem for large animals is how to keep cool rather than how to keep warm. Nevertheless, in cold climates, even large animals sport thick fur. Think of the mammoths, large creatures living on Earth a few million years ago. You have seen images of them in your training material. You saw how furry it was. Funnily, the naked apes have become good enough at genetic engineering that they are thinking of reviving the mammoths. I think they might even succeed, but let’s skip that.

The trend is the opposite on another part of the planetary ecosystem, the seas. Most marine mammals are not hairy: whales, dolphins, and the like have no hair. Only some creatures with a hybrid lifestyle have hair: seals, walruses, and also penguins (they use feathers, but it is the same mechanism). And that’s logic, again. Hair is good for insulation, but, as I said, it is because it incorporates a lot of air. But that won’t work underwater. So, these marine creatures are covered by a thick layer of fat that insulates them. No need for hair.

We conclude that a land creature that’s not too large should have hair. Then, why these curious apes are naked? I must tell you that the question puzzled me for quite a while. I remember having discussed it with one of the ape scientists, long ago; his name was Charles Darwin. He lived nearly two hundred Earth-years ago; I was young then! A very special ape: he never found my green scales upsetting. He understood right away who I was and where I was coming from. Most of the apes who are not scientists will run away screeching when they see one of us. Unless we use one of our mirage mantles, but let me not go into that. I have a picture of him that I can show you. Unfortunately, these apes don't live long, so he is not there anymore. Note that he was quite hairy himself! Here you see him and me chatting. I am wearing one of our mirage suits -- I look fully human! The picture is made with a camera made by the apes -- only black and white images at that time. 

Anyway, when I met Charles (we became good friends, and for apes, it means addressing each other by what they call the “first name), he was engaged in trying to understand why the human apes -- and himself, too -- are naked. You know, he was the first ape to develop a reasonable version of the natural selection theory, the force that moves the universe. He hadn’t yet arrived at the concept of “holobiont,” the universal thermodynamic dissipation structure, but he was quite advanced in the right direction. Yet, he couldn’t understand why the human apes were naked. And I couldn’t help him; I still had so many things to learn at that time. I just remember that Charles showed me something written by another ape scientist, Alfred Wallace his name, who attributed the nakedness to a kind of “super-ape” floating in mid-air, just above the clouds. This story would need some time to be explained; anyway, several apes say that this super-ape can create things and animals at will. For some reason, he (the super-ape, they see him as a male) wanted the human apes to be naked -- maybe because he was naked himself. Don’t ask me how it is that they can think such weird things. It is beyond me. These smart apes can be quite dumb sometimes.

But don’t dismiss the ape scientists. They can be very good at their job, and they never were comfortable with the idea of a super-ape flying in the sky. So, they tried to find a good explanation, but it was hard for them. Poor Darwin, for instance, proposed that humans would find each other more sexually attractive by being naked. I asked him why, and he could only babble something not so coherent. I can only imagine that modern apes do find other naked apes more attractive when they are naked, but that it could be true for their remote ancestors; well, it is hard to maintain. I can only imagine that modern naked apes do find other apes more attractive when they are naked, meaning without their exoderma. But could that be true for their remote ancestors? Why should that be? Besides, there is always the same problem: why wouldn’t natural selection cause apes of other species to shed their hair to appear more attractive to their sexual partners?

Besides, there is always the same problem: why won’t other apes use the same trick to appear more attractive to their sexual partners?

Oh, they worked hard to propose the strangest explanations. One was that being naked made it easier for human apes to detect parasites and de-louse each other. Nice idea, but, then, why did they maintain hair over their head and around their genital area? These areas are normally full of parasites. Incidentally, you may like to know that different species of lice infest these two different areas of the human body. It is a curious detail, but it shows that their nakedness is ancient -- a typical effect of natural selection.

Then, someone proposed an effect called “neoteny,” the idea that evolution occurs by species maintaining their juvenile traits, in this case, the traits of fetuses -- which obviously have no hair: what would that help them for while they are inside their mother’s womb? And, yes, there is some evidence of neoteny in modern naked apes but, again, this is not really an explanation. Most mammal fetuses are hairless, but only the human ape is hairless as an adult. And why should that be? 

One of the strangest theories was proposed by an ape named Alister Hardy. He surmised that the human apes had been marine mammals earlier in their evolutionary history. So, like all marine mammals, they had lost their hair and developed a layer of subcutaneous, insulating fat. And that they had maintained this characteristic once they had returned to land. I never met this Hardy, but I read about his theory in the ape scientific literature. Surprisingly, the theory became very popular and some ape scientists still consider it at least a possible explanation. But it left me perplexed. Highly perplexed. By then, I had already developed the theory that explains the apes’ nakedness. But let’s go step by step.

I guess it is not difficult for you, cadets, to understand why this theory of the “aquatic ape” doesn’t make much sense. As part of your training, can someone provide a suggestion on this point?

-- Meuianga’ Enge’ite, I think such a theory can be proposed, but the criticism is obvious: does it have any proof?

-- Yes, Meuianga, we read in our training material that some land mammals moved to the sea, but I didn’t find any notion that the reverse happened.

-- And, besides, Meuianga, if these apes had been aquatic for a certain period, why didn’t they regain their hair when they moved back on land?

Very good cadets. Indeed, you are getting into the matter we are discussing. The theory of the aquatic ape doesn’t make sense exactly for the reasons you identified. There is no proof for it and, besides, if these apes returned to land, they should have regained their hair and lost their fat. You may be interested to learn that the only “proof,” so to say, that the ape scientists favoring this idea could produce was to refer to some old legend of theirs that tell of “merfolk,” aquatic apes, indeed.

-- Aquatic apes, Meuianga? Do they exist? We didn’t read of them in our training material.

-- And what would be this thing you mentioned, a “legend”?

Ah, sorry, cadet Ngìrtsmokxpäay Te Loro Wukxer'itan. I think the concept of “legend” was not explained in the training material you studied. So, let me tell you something about it. A legend is a peculiar form of thought that derives from the brain setup of the naked apes. It appears that they are wired to believe things that do not exist, or that couldn’t even exist. They believe in purely mental constructions that they build in their brains. This is true about the merfolk legend, creatures that are half ape and half fish. They are supposed to be male and female; the first kind is called mermen, and the other mermaids. Let me show you a metal cast image made by an ape about one hundred Earth-years ago. Here it is; you can see it on your screens. Note how the legs have fins. 

-- That’s a fascinating image, Meuanga. But this creature doesn’t make sense. It can’t walk on land: look at the fins!

-- And it has those arms without fins. Not good for swimming.

-- Can it catch fish while swimming? It doesn’t have fangs.

-- It doesn’t seem to be able to eat plankton. Its mouth is too small.

You are right, cadets. This is not a real creature. It is a representation of the legend of the merfolk.

-- But why would the apes make an image of a creature that can’t exist?

-- Are they dumb? Or are they confused?

-- We cannot understand that. Are these “legends” a mental sickness?

Cadets, don’t get so perplexed. In time, you will understand. The naked apes are neither dumb nor confused. And they don’t normally suffer from mental problems -- although some do. But let’s focus on the point that we were making. We were looking for a good explanation of why they are naked while most of the other mammals on the planet are not and, clearly, the idea that they were marine mammals long ago cannot work. Cadet Zäut Te Kawvei Tstxìa'ite, can you propose a different explanation?

-- Well, Meuianga’ Enge’ite, I was thinking of something you were telling us. The apes live on a cold planet, still they may have problems of overheating when they are very active. Captain Pxaymeflae'itan told us about their sweat glands. And I was wondering… hair is for keeping warm, but how would it affect these creatures' cooling mechanism?

Excellent, cadet, excellent.

-- Meuianga, you make my scales flutter. I don’t deserve this praise.

It is fine, cadet Tstxìa'ite. You and your colleagues are all smart reptiles, and you are all learning plenty of things. I praised you as just a way to praise you all. But let’s go back to what we are discussing. Captain Pxaymeflae'itan told me that he had you smell the skin of this creature, right? Did you notice how wet it is?

-- Yes, Meuianga. We noticed the smell. Captain Pxaymeflae'itan told us about the high density of sweating glands they have. Is that related to the fact that they are naked?

Yes, cadet. And that’s the crucial point that explains the whole story. I think you all understand how things stand; I see that from your flickering nictitating membranes. Yes, These creatures evolved by shedding their fur to be able to cool down faster by sweating profusely. Their metabolism is outstandingly fast. No other creature on the planet can keep going so long and so intensely. This is a point that ape scientists started making some 50 Earth-years ago. One of them was named Desmond Morris and he had this idea of calling his own species the “naked apes.” He wrote at length about this idea and I learned this definition from him. I think it is a very good description of these apes. It is curious, though, that it didn’t become popular with the apes themselves -- it is mostly us, the reptiles, who use it. In any case, it is the basic point of why these apes are naked. They can cool their body when they are engaged in strenuous efforts.

-- Does that mean that they can outrun other mammals, Meuianga?

Not really outrun, cadet Aymaopta Te Uutlei Raonga'itan. Running fast is not the point of their cooling setup. They are endurance runners. They can keep running longer than most other mammals. In this way, they can wear down their prey. They keep running until the prey is exhausted, then they close in for the kill.

-- Meuianga, this is hugely interesting. But is it a good way to kill their prey? It seems to require a lot of effort.

-- Why don’t they do like us? We reptiles don’t need to run for a long time after our prey. We ambush it, jump on it, and kill it.

A good observation, cadet Äuhen Te Ifue Txote'ite. And you are right; if they were to hunt always as I described, it would be a big waste of effort. Their way of hunting is more sophisticated; they can be good ambushers and jump on the prey when they have the occasion to do it. They are also good group hunters. You know, their scientist found proof that a group of them could push entire herds of mammoths or other large mammals down a cliff and kill all of them.

-- Oh, that looks like a wasteful way of hunting, Meuianga.

-- Do they really do that?

-- You said that they are smart, Meuianga. But if they behave in this way, well, maybe they are not so smart.

It is a long story, cadets. Indeed, naked apes sometimes behave in ways that don’t look so smart. This idea of killing entire herds of big animals is typical of them. They can behave in highly wasteful ways, even today, when there are no more mammoths on their planet. And the reason why there are no mammoths anymore is probably that they killed so many of them long ago. It is just the way they are. You must understand the species you encounter; they are not like us. What they do is because of what they are. But this is what they are: powerful creatures that can keep running when other animals become exhausted.

-- But, Meuianga, excuse me, can I ask a question?

Of course you can ask a question, Ilau Te Muiotäk Viiskewa'ite.

-- Meuianga, if the trick to gain this high metabolic power is to become naked, why don’t all mammals do that? I think it may not be a good idea for small mammals, but we read in our training materials that there are many animals as large as the naked apes, but they are not naked.

Very good, cadet Viiskewa'ite. This is exactly the spirit of these lessons. You ask questions and try to understand the matter you are studying. You see, we discussed how to explain why being naked, that is without fur, can be advantageous for a high metabolic rate mammal. But you are correctly asking, “if it is so advantageous, why do only the human apes use it?” Good question, indeed. Not even Desmond Morris could answer it, although he got close to finding it. Can someone propose why that could be?

-- Meuianga, we must admit that we are baffled.

-- Yes, just as baffled as your friend, the ape scientist Charles Darwin.

-- There must be a reason, but we can’t find it.

-- Maybe the naked apes were really created by a super-ape floating in the sky?

Oh, that’s a nice one, cadet Viiskewa'ite. You may like to know that you are using the same logic that sometimes the naked apes use. When they can’t understand something, they say it is because of something that the super-ape in the sky did. They can be really funny, but it is the way they are. But you are cadets of the proud Reptilian Starfleet, and you can arrive at an answer. You may just need a little help. First, it should be clear to you why land mammals cannot afford to sweat.

-- Because they lose water too fast, Muienga?

Exactly. For an animal, it is dangerous to sweat too much. They may get dehydrated. And they can die unless they find a water source, quickly. Besides, stopping to drink at a lake or a river is always dangerous. It is there that predators wait to ambush them; it is the reptile strategy that our ancestors used. So, most land animals on Earth sweat very little, that's typical of mammals. Or even don’t sweat at all: Earth’s birds have no sweating glands. All hot-blooded animals use various strategies to cool when they risk going into hyperthermia when their bodies heat up to the point that they may die because their brains may get damaged. The main one is the simplest one: do not go through sustained efforts for a long time. But that, as you may imagine, is difficult to do when you have a predator running after you. Then, the choice is between stopping to cool down, or fainting because of hyperthermia. In both cases, the creature gets eaten, but that’s how planetary ecosystems work all over the galaxy.

As you may imagine, the problem of hyperthermia is especially serious in some specific environments. You read in your training materials that the naked apes are the descendants of very ancient apes which left their traditional forests to move to a new kind of environment. It was during the period that ape scientists call “Neogene” that a new ecosystem appeared, it is called “savanna,” and it is formed mainly of grassy plains. It is dry most of the time, and it offers little or no shelter against the sun. Hyperthermia is always a risk for animals living in a savanna. And that’s exactly where the ancestors of the naked apes expanded a few million years ago. I am projecting for you an image made by ape scientists of how these ancestors could have looked like. They were called “australopithecines;” they lived in equatorial regions, very hot and dry. This species does not exist anymore, but it is possible that they were hairy, at least in part, as shown in this figure. Or they may have been already naked. We cannot know that; hair is not preserved in the fossil record. 

So, the early hominins had this dilemma: either they stayed with the hair of a forest ape, and that would mean dying of hyperthermia in the savanna, or they shed their hair and increased the number of sweating glands, but that could mean dying of dehydration. You know that natural selection favored the second strategy. And the fight against the dehydration danger was carried out in a truly clever way. Let me show this image; this curious object.

-- Meuianga, what is that? We said we were baffled, but now we are even more baffled.

-- What in the galaxy would that thing be?

-- Is it an artifact? Is it a plant? What is it?

Don’t be baffled, cadets. You have to learn about the infinite variety of the planets you’ll visit in your career as Starfleet officers. This is a plant and an artifact. It is also the most deadly weapon that the naked apes ever developed.

-- A weapon? Do you mean it can kill living creatures?

-- It doesn’t look like a weapon. Is it poisonous?

-- Maybe it emits deadly radiations?

No, no… cadets. I said it is a weapon because it can kill, but only indirectly. It is called a “water bottle.” What you see here is a modern version, but the technology is very ancient. We have no idea of how old it may be; unfortunately, these things do not fossilize. It is made from a plant that grows on Earth; they call it “squash.” It is edible by the naked apes, so I think they started using it as food. But then they discovered that the external part could be dried and then it could hold water. And that was how they solved the problem of avoiding dehydration. They could take water with them, and drink it when they needed it.

-- Amazing, Meuianga. Truly amazing.

-- This “water bottle” even has a handle to hold it more easily.

-- It is incredible that it had this shape. Is it really a natural fruit?

Not so amazing, cadets. I think the apes themselves selected the gourds which had the shape most suitable for their purposes. Natural selection works in many ways. Of course, now the naked apes have better technologies for carrying water around, but some of them still use these gourds. They were an incredibly successful technology. And let me add that it would work only because they are social animals. So they would not just take water with them in these gourds, but provide it for other members of the group when needed. That gave them a range that was much larger than that of most animals, and a chance to expand in the savanna, hunting the animals roaming it. The ape scientists call these animals “megafauna.” They mostly went extinct when the naked apes expanded into the savanna. They were such wonderful hunters that they destroyed their prey. It was not smart on their part, but these creatures have some limits. They are what they are.

-- Meuianga, I am amazed, indeed. This story that you told us is incredibly interesting, and I learned a lot today. But I have a question that may be impertinent, and I don’t know if I am allowed to….

Cadet Viiskewa'ite, you are allowed to ask any question. Go ahead!

-- Sorry, Meuianga, but the question is, “is it all true”? I guess I could rephrase it as, “how can you be sure that it is true?”

Ah… cadet Viiskewa'ite, your question shows that you are sharp-minded. Indeed, what we do in our studies is to seek the explanation that looks like the most likely one, but we can never be sure. This is a field that we might call “reverse engineering evolution.” Neither the ape scientists nor we can have a record of all the generations that went on, one after the other, to create the variety of species of the ecosystem of planet Earth. The only thing we know is that if something exists, there has to be a reason for it to exist. And suppose we frame this idea within the idea of evolution by natural selection; then, we must conclude that what we observe is the result of the survival of those individual creatures which had it over those which didn’t. But some details will always escape us, and about others, we will never be completely sure. But allow me, cadets, to tell you that I do believe that the story I told you is truly the most likely one and perhaps the only one that can explain to us why these interesting apes are naked and why they are what they are and behave the way they behave. Let me tell you a story that, I believe, will convince you.

You read in your training material of these huge mammals that populate Earth’s oceans -- they are called “whales.” Now, one whale of medium size may be hundreds of times larger than a naked ape. Even thousands of times. Yet, the apes hunt whales. They almost exterminated all of them.

-- Really? then they are good swimmers, these apes, after all!

-- But they can’t sweat underwater, Meuianga. How can they do that?

Good observations, cadets. They can indeed swim, but it is also true that their sweat glands would not help them while swimming. That’s not how they can catch those whales. They don’t swim after them.

-- But, Meuianga, we are confused. If they don’t swim, how can they reach the whales underwater?

Nothing to be confused about, cadets. Don’t forget that whales are mammals. Do you see my point?

-- Ah… Meiuanga, we see it. We see it.

-- If those whales are mammals, they must have lungs.

-- And lungs must be used to breathe air.

-- Yes, lungs won’t work underwater.

Exactly, cadets. It means that whales must get out of the water as much as they need to breathe air. Then, they can swim back below the water. But, while they breathe, the naked apes can reach them with one of their floating vessels. They call them boats.

Now, let me go back to about two hundred Earth years. I was young, I was just starting to study this planet, and my old master Fiyei Te Äyi Tipxtäa'ite was leaving Earth to take an assignment on a system located in the Magellan Cloud. So, I was left almost alone to study Earth and its many creatures. You can say that I was fascinated. Really. A lot. And I befriended some naked apes. I already told you about this ape scientist, Charles Darwin. I have to say that as a scientist, he was almost as good as the honorable Tipxtäa'ite, who had taught me the rudiments of the science of Earth’s ecosystem. But I also met another Earthling -- not a scientist, but a smart creature nevertheless. His name was Herman Melville. He was what the naked apes call a “novelist” -- let me not go into what that means, but it has something to do with the “legends” I was telling you about before. In any case, this Melville wrote a hugely interesting treatise on whales -- actually a form of legend. He was a fine observer of nature. I believe he was the first naked ape who seriously wondered what a marine mammal such as a whale could think. And how a whale could see the world. Amazing, considering the limits of how these apes think: they tend to consider themselves the only thinking creature in the universe.

Anyway, I read this text written by Melville -- it had a title, it was “Moby Dick.” I must say that I didn’t understand so much about it. Melville was very learned, and he knew a lot of things, but I was still learning about the legends that the naked apes have in their minds, so it was hard for me to understand his text. So, I went to visit him. He was a little old at that time, but still he understood who I was and what I wanted. We can get on nicely with the apes, although sometimes we have to drug them a little. Apparently, our green scales upset them. But Melville was not upset about me, and he told me a lot of things about how the naked apes hunt whales. Which, again, were rather mysterious to me. He was a male ape of remarkable culture, but, as I said, not a scientist.

In any case, at some moment, I had a flash of understanding: the mystery of the nakedness of the apes was solved. It was, indeed, the way I told you. They use their turbocharged metabolic system to hunt other creatures, even much larger ones. And with this high rate metabolism, they can wear them down, and then kill them. It appeared clear to me when I understood how they hunted whales. I saw them doing that. I used one of our flying saucers to observe how the apes hunted whales.

-- “Flying saucer?” 

-- Meuianga, what would that be?

-- Meuianga, we don’t understand. What do you mean?

Oh…. sorry, cadets. I used a term from the apes’ language. That’s the way they call our atmoships when they can see one. It is when we don’t use a mirage mantle -- that slows down the atmoship too much. So, when the apes see it, they use this term because the ship’s round shape reminds them of the shape of one of their food supports. Not that they understand what they are, but they are fascinated by them, and some of them even guessed that right. But their atmoships are much slower than ours, so we don’t risk having to interact with them. Anyway. I boarded one of our atmoships and watched the hunt from above. Fascinating, cadets, absolutely fascinating. Here is a picture I took. Look at how small the ape boats are in comparison to the whale

I have more records from the hunts I witnessed, one of these sessions I’ll show them to you. But let me just tell you the main points of how whales are hunted. At that time, the naked apes had sea vessels pushed by winds -- they didn’t use engines; they developed them much later. Anyway, these ships, they called them “sailing ships,” worked well enough for what the apes needed. Now, a sailing ship can be as big as a whale, even bigger, but it cannot be maneuvered fast enough to run after a whale. So, they use much smaller boats. They have sails, too, but when they get close to the whale, they use long poles to push the boat through the water. They call those poles “oars,” and using them is called “rowing.” 

When I saw one of those boats for the first time, I thought it was completely impossible that they could hunt whales using those small things. There are only six apes in each boat, and they have to run after a beast that weighs ten times all of them, including the boats. And yet, you should have seen them. They row, they row, they row, they never stop chasing the whale. Look, I’ll read for you a text that Melville wrote about that. These are words supposed to be said by the captain of the small boat (yes, even ape ships have captains!)

‘Pull, pull, my fine hearts-alive; pull, my children; pull, my little ones,’ drawlingly and soothingly sighed Stubb to his crew, some of whom still showed signs of uneasiness. ‘Why don’t you break your backbones, my boys? What is it you stare at? Those chaps in yonder boat? Tut! They are only five more hands come to help us—never mind from where— the more the merrier. Pull, then, do pull; never mind the brimstone—devils are good fellows enough. So, so; there you are now; that’s the stroke for a thousand pounds; that’s the stroke to sweep the stakes! Hurrah for the gold cup of sperm oil, my heroes! Three cheers, men—all hearts alive! Easy, easy; don’t be in a hurry—don’t be in a hurry. Why don’t you snap your oars, you rascals? Bite something, you dogs! So, so, so, then:—softly, softly! That’s it—that’s it! long and strong. Give way there, give way! The devil fetch ye, ye ragamuffin rapscallions; ye are all asleep. Stop snoring, ye sleepers, and pull. Pull, will ye? pull, can’t ye? pull, won’t ye? Why in the name of gudgeons and ginger-cakes don’t ye pull?—pull and break something! pull, and start your eyes out! Here!’ whipping out the sharp knife from his girdle; ‘every mother’s son of ye draw his knife, and pull with the blade between his teeth. That’s it—that’s it. Now ye do something; that looks like it, my steel-bits. Start her—start her, my silver-spoons! Start her, marling-spikes!’

I am not sure I understand everything that’s being said in this text -- some expressions remained mysterious to me even when Melville tried to explain them to me. But never mind that. The point of this text is how it flows. You can almost feel the effort of the rowing apes. The captain, an ape named “Stubb,” is encouraging them to row; he says, “pull, pull, pull.” He calls them all sorts of funny names. Can you understand the meaning of “ragamuffin rapscallions?” I can’t. I ran these terms through our best AI programs, and they were confused, just like me. It is an insult and, at the same time, it is not an insult. In some strange ape way, it is supposed to encourage them. And don’t forget that there are just six apes in the boat. This little boat, running as fast as it can, it has to catch an enormous whale. And they can! The incredible thing is that they can. The whale tries to run away, but it has to surface every once in a while to breathe. And when the apes see the spray of the whale breath, they row in that direction. And the whale cannot run away. No matter how it tries, the boat follows it. Eventually, the whale is exhausted enough that the boat can get close. And then the apes start shooting sharp metal points at the beast - they call them “harpoons.” So, the whale starts losing blood, and it gets more and more exhausted. And finally, it goes into hyperthermia. Its blood becomes hot, its brain ceases to work. The beast floats, inert, bleeding, waiting for the apes to finish it with a long metal needle. They call it a “lance.”

-- Amazing, Meuianga. We are honored to have received such training from you.

-- Yes, Meuianga, we are all clicking our scales in your honor.

-- It was a great lesson. We’ll remember it for a long time

-- And we can’t wait to learn more about these naked apes!

And I am honored to have had such smart pupils, cadets. Thank you so much for your interest. About learning more, yes, you won’t believe how much there is still to be learned about these apes. We’ll restart soon. In the meantime, I am asking Captain Pxaymeflae'itan to beam me down to Earth again.

Of course, Meuianga Mera. I am also thanking you for your wonderful lesson. Should I beam you back to Antarctica, then?

No, Captain. I think I deserve a little relax. Would you beam me to one of those islands… those that the Apes call “Hawai’i”?

I can do that. I am sure you can enjoy that, Meuianga Mera. One day, you should explain to me what is that thing called "Bloody Mary" that you seem to love so much. 

Images from https://dezgo.com/, and Dell-E.
Names from https://www.fantasynamegenerators.com/avatar-names.php

Lectures by Meuianga Mera

Why Naked Apes have Small Mouths. Explained by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientist of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Red Mouthed Apes: A Lecture by Meuianga Mera, Chief Scientific Officer of the Reptilian Starfleet

The Naked Ape -- A Tale Told in Space

The Reptilian Mirage Suit: Learning the Purpose of Human Ears

The Evolutionary Game: How did Elephants survive the onslaught